wow...

long distance relationships sure are fun and easy. prioritizing personal passion with committed love is tearing my heart out.

and, yes, i am in Cats. i will be playing Jennyanydots and tap-dancing in a fringe suit. if you are interested in seeing it, we play sept 27-oct13. get tickets!

much love...

the first day of school...

Well, well, well, I'm a grad student and let me tell you a couple of things about being a grad student here:
(keep in mind, I plan on keeping my own counsel while being here so this blog is my only outlet of keeping it real...)

1. When I am done here, I am going to be such a better person: smarter, more disciplined, more creative, and it is really exciting. I cannot begin to tell you how incredible the first day of classes (subject, curriculum-wise) was. Specifically Theater Research, despite the demands of having to read 4 full books and write abstracts on them every 2 weeks (yup, that's over 20 full books I'm reading in just ONE class this semester), is really exciting purely because of what it means for the potential of my career.
2. When you are directing a show that all the kids want to be in cuz it's naughty, UNDERGRADS HAVE NO SHAME. We're talking running up to me when I'm walking through the hall, in the restroom, in the middle of an audition (!!!) to tell me how much they love the show blah blah blah. It's hysterical. Don't they know I've learned my lesson about not getting close to students?
4. Surprisingly, I feel really comfortable and not overly overwhelmed with all the work. I'm already done with my homework for all of Wednesday's classes and the skills of multi-tasking have come back. That said, Tuesdays and Thursdays are much bigger in my schedule, so I will blog again at the end of week with the revised version of this statement.
6. I'm in love with my advisor. A third year director has taken me under his wing. I went out for drinks with the new professor and did well schmoozing at a Department Potluck. I'm okay.
7. Here I am after a really long day with so much news and thoughts and analyses to make and all I really want is my friends and Happy Hour at Green Mill. I guess water at an internet cafe will have to do for now. Miss you guys!
8. I miss Ben. I miss Ben. I miss Ben.

Not bad for a first day, right? Much love!!!

Oh, and in case anyone was wondering how Lex is doing without me, he started school this week and is doing really, really well and freaking everyone the fuck out. Go Monkey Go! :)

carter and logan!

In case I hadn't updated lately on how freakin' cute my nephews are, check it out! Remember how they were sick, tiny babies 8 months ago? Yeah, the days of tiny are long ago! Look at those cheeks!

That's Logan (Choppers) on the right and Carter (Spike) on the left...good nick names, huh?

And congrats to Breezy on her new ink in honor of the boys! I am nothing, if not supportive of scarring yourself for life with tattoos! Can't wait to see it!

And, yes everyone, I live in Mankato now. 4 days down, 3 years to go... It's not bad at all. Much love!

it's all happening...

well, the time has finally come and it's beyond bizarre. i am spending 7 days in limbo, not really living anywhere, not really here, not really there, and then I GO BACK TO SCHOOL. it's hard to believe that somethig i worked so hard for and seemed so far away and unachievable a year ago, is actually here. it's crazy to look back to a year ago.

1 year ago, I was...
...heart-broken beyond words, completely shut down, devastated, and scared that i would never be a part of something that good again, scared that that was the best i'll ever be, scared that i hadn't made a difference, scared to be home
...working retail, wearing designer clothes that i couldn't afford, and wouldn't be caught dead out of the house without heels on.
...someone who had a bumper sticker that said 'babies kill dreams' and really believed it.
...dating someone just to date someone, trying to fill the void of leaving my first love.
...not a college graduate, despite having left college two years previous, and it hanted me.
...12 pounds thinner
...a girl who told everyone i was taking a year off and then going to grad school, never once believing that it could happen.

NOW, I am...
...grounded and at peace 85% of the time, crazy the other 15% but that's how i like it.:)
...a flip-flop wearing, Target-shopping fashion plate who thinks about the workers in India before I buy anything and cannot justify spending too much on anything...I can also probably count how many times I've worn heels this summer, though that makes me a little, teensy bit sad, as i do have a ferce shoe collection.
...a nanny and an aunt who is so in love with my boys my heart could burst at the thought of Lex, Carter, or Logan at any given moment.
...in love with a wonderful man who knows me inside and out and laughs with me everyday like true love.
...a college graduate and a MFA Directing candidate.
...thinking about how to get those 12 pounds off in time to maybe be in 'Cats' this fall. Think it can happen?
...a woman who has followed through on every single promise made about the future one year ago and for some reason, shocked that it is actually all falling into place. I made good on my word.

Sorry about this self-exploratory entry, but that's where my head is. Also while I'm at it, I've got to say how much I have enjoyed my year of vacation in Uptown. This year of not really doing theater and not working insane hours or being bogged down with the kind of responsibilty that comes from working with kids, teaching, or the creative process in general, has been so much fun! Root City Wednesdays, Grey's Thursdays, The Fam, the Big Green Couch, walks around Lake of the Isles, Calhoun, Harriet, Twins and Timberwolves games, snow nights, Santorini's, GREEN MILL, THE DINER, weekend visits with Gayle, LEX!!!, The Fam, The Fam, The Fam, and every second with Ben has been the kind of year you tell your kids about when they ask what you were like before you had them and they can't believe the kinds of stories you have for them. It's just been incredible so thank you for everyone that has been a part of this wonderful time of fresh breath and healing. I needed it.

But just for the record, I cannot WAIT to be doing theater again every day!!!!!! It's time!!
Come see me in Mankato, y'all...it'll be different, a new phase has begun for me, but I want you to be a part of it...
See you in 3!

greatest day of the summer...

So my momma threw me a little pre-grad school/finally graduated party at Robbie and Ken's on Sunday. It was an intimate gathering of my very favorite people (minus some that either live far, far away or had a family emergency to tend to) and the result was maybe the best day of the summer, if not year... Check it out...

The Fam with some recent additions and my true fam, Brother!

An ode to Doug...note the half-open mouth and the almost dead look in the eyes...

How hot is my aunt? Seriously! We should all be so lucky!

Overall, a great, great day...Thank you all for coming! Thank you, weather, for being so perfect! Thank you, Mom, for putting it all together! Much love...

more prayer requests!

Sadly, it's the beginning of the end for Scott's mom, Anita. It's going way too fast. If you have some time, send some light to their family. They are going through a lot. Thank you!

muchlove to all...especially my sister and that wonderful man she married...

Is Harry a Horcrux or not?

10 HOURS UNTIL HARRY POTTER IS RELEASED ONE LAST TIME!!!! I COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED!!!

and to all of you assholes out there that think its appropriate to leak the story to so many of us who truly love the books and truly love these characters and truly love the experience of going on the journey with them, you suck. seriously.

3 good men...

So for the last couple of days by brain has been ceasing with noise: will I find people to fill this building, am I choosing the right apartment in Mankato, am I going to be happy in Mankato (a town smaller than Marshall and we all know how small towns and I get along), how am I going to get money together to do all of this, what's in store for me, is this new life and new happiness I've finally found going to leave me once I leave town, how am I going to leave Lex, how am I going to leave the girls, how am I going to leave Ben, all of it...

Today was an especially intense period of this sort of thought and I didn't know what to do about any of it, so I did the unthinkable:

I called my dad for help and advice. And he gave it to me.

Then I called my boyfriend for support and love. And he gave it to me.

And then when I was still at a loss...albeit, a much smaller loss than before...
Ben had a wonderful surprise for me, a surprise that will definitely lift me from this funk, a surprise incredibly thoughtful and selfless (as he is not a fan), and he said, "Baby, I got us tickets to see Harry Potter tonight. You'll be okay after that."

And he is so right. I will be okay. With Doug, Ben, and Harry having my back, I really have nothing to worry about.

a post by Lex...

ex LEX NIKKI TAKING SWIM CLASS WHAT DID WE DO IN SWIM CLASS?////?? KICKINGUING AND FLOATING ANDBLOWING BUBBLES LOVE LEX





**please note I seriously had nothing to do with the contents, typing, or word decisions made in this post. he'll be 3 in august...

The Fourth with the Fam!

There was food, frivolity, and fireworks! What more could you want?

Oh, and my first foray with bocce ball... Who knew this was fun?