Back by the lake...

I am back in Duluth and back to work at last! I have really missed working. I guess I am my dad's daughter afterall. I have 20 5-6 year olds every morning for three hours to teach a play to in five days and perform for their parents on the fifth day. Then every afternoon I have 35 7-12 year olds for three hours to teach a musical to with my good friend Little Kate. We get three weeks to do this so it's not as overwhelming. 5 year olds however... wow. They are so much harder than teaching college kids, I cannot even tell you. Way more rewarding than teaching general ed college kids too, but damn, am I exhausted! No stamina whatsoever in comparison to those little monkeys. I thought that a 8 hour work day would be vacation compared to what I had been doing all year, but honestly, I really think that working with 55 kids every day is way harder than earning a Master of Fine Arts.

And that, my friends, is what we call perspective.

A Lex quote...

Upon entering his home when I had not seen him in awhile:

LEX: Nikki Nikki Nikki! (hugs) You are here to play with me because I am your favorite person ever and I have a poo in my pants--should we go take care of that?

All in one breath, just like that.

And take care of that poo, we did.

hmmm...

You know when you think as soon as a certain thing is over, your life will suddenly simplify and all of this clarity will come knocking down your consciousness and you'll have nothing to do BUT be happy and free because that one certain thing is over?  You know?

Well, it's a cheap trick.  The semester is over.  I've had a few weeks off now and my brain isn't any quieter than before.  In fact, it may be noisier, purely because when school is up there (in my brain), there just isn't room for any thing else.  Now there's plenty of room to marinate about all them things that I've been putting off processing or coming to terms with.  I've also wasted an enormous amount of time watching that soul-suck called TV.  Like I'm suddenly going to be a better, more productive person because I've now seen this season of Project Runway...

But the things I've been thinking about have been pretty all-encompassing.  For instance:  I am afraid of making new friends.  I didn't do it all year.  I know exactly why, but right now, where I am, I just cannot put myself out there and truly be friends with anyone new right now.  Wonder if I'll ever get over that.  I hope so.  Also:  What is after Grad School?  Get a job and settle down?  Succumb to financial pressure?  Pursue the elusive professional career that others think I can pull off but scares the pants off of me?  What is supposed to happen next?  I'm nowhere near done with school, but people are wanting decisions from me now and I don't know what to say.  I've never been so indecisive before, but I really want it all at the same time.  Furthermore:  I got my wisdom teeth out this week and the pain and medications have rendered me vulnerable and emotional.  I could tear up at a Hallmark commercial right now.  It's the Vicodin, right? And Delilah keeps doing contemporary ballet moves around me.  But that could really be the drugs too, right?  All I know for certain is that nothing feels free and clear right now.  Nothing but ties and noise everywhere...

Be with me please.  Praying for clarity...

DONE!   

Happy Summer everyone...

whew.

2 tests...done. 2 tests...done. 2 tests...done.

I need to get out of here. I've just spent the day, not studying for those tests, but preparing my apartment to be empty for three months. I have never cleaned the way I have just been cleaning for the past 5 hours. I honestly don't think I've ever been so ready for an end of a semester before. 2 tests and I'm out!

2 quizzes, 2 tests, 1 project....done.
2 quizzes, 2 tests, 1 project...done.
2 quizzes, 2 tests, 1 project...done.


Oh! Exciting news! Every year the faculty votes to make one grad student the Andreas Scholar for the year. The Andreas Scholar gets a higher fellowship wage, and a special asterisk next to their name in all the programs. In a really cool twist, I was named the 2008-09 Andreas Scholar last week! It is really nice to be considered special among my 12 peers of really talented artists and have my work be acknowledged in the best possible way (in this economy anyway). I'm thrilled about this development!

3 weeks left...

2 papers, 6 quizzes, 1 project, 2 finals and I'm outta here for 3 months!
It may sound like a lot, but that's the smallest to-do list I've had since August!

Summer is a-comin!!!! And I. Can't. Wait.

a taste of portland!

DWARF forever!! Thank you so much Keyli! There can be only one.

Nephew update!

THEY ARE HUGE NOW!! Love those boys!

mutterings...

In an act of avoidance toward my final homework assignments, I have just spent an hour on msnbc and newsweek catching up with the world. There is crazy shit happening out there!!!

The good: The Pope met with abuse victims today. I think this is a step in the right direction for Catholics and for those of us who once upon time considered ourself Catholic. Though I know I'll never call myself Catholic again, to see the "Holy See" reach out to the people who were most affected, as opposed to just communicating with the clergy and paying off the victims is the right thing. So much of Catholicism is based on ritual and symbolism. I think this is a good symbol. Go Church!

The bad: The Democratic race is disheartening to say the least. A month ago, I believed in the change everyone was preaching about. Now...it looks just like any other political race. Except there is a woman and a black man involved. Rise above! We need you!

The ugly: Did you guys see the article about the Yale art student whose senior portfolio was about her giving herself an abortion every month for nine months in order to begin a real conversations about "art's effect of the body"?! Her exhibition consists of video diaries projected on a clear cube hanging from the ceiling that has been wrapped in cellophane and the blood from her miscarriages that she's been preserving for the last nine months! THIS IS NOT ART!!! Exploitative? Yes. Shocking? Yes. Provocative? You bet. But shit like this gives us artists and us women bad names. It's like "Pissed Christ" from the 90s, but not as thought-provoking. If you don't know what Pissed Christ is, google it now.

The random: Lilah can play fetch. How cool is that? I love my cat.

Love!