Huh.

So I've got to say, I am not an idiot. Today, looking back at my great plan and justifications to do something like the Master Cleanse, that choice looks like an idiot move. I am dance teacher with an ulcer...why would I think that living for 2 weeks on no fuel and throwing citrus and cayenne pepper in my empty acidic belly sounded healthy?

I haven't done the typical yo-yo try everything diet fads. When I lost 85 lbs. 6 years ago, I did it with a food journal, personal journal, dance studio and gym membership. That's it. No how-to books or group sessions or get thin quick plans. I just educated myself, figured out why I was fat all of my life and did the work. It took an entire year.

I know how to do this. And I know how I got into that situation to begin with. And yet, I have gained 20-25 lbs (depending on the week) during grad school. Time went into reading and writing papers that used to belong to working out and my money went further with carbs and fast food than fresh organic food. I'm almost done here and I really want to end MSU the same way I came into it.

Wow, even typing that sentence seems ridiculous. There's no way to be the same as I was 3 years ago. Or what was the point?

Maybe these 20 lbs. are something I'll have to deal with AFTER the thesis is written, job is found, internship gained and new play fine-tuned.

I guess, that'll be okay too. Maybe then I'll be thinking and not abuse my body or lose an entire day to a fad diet.