Triumph!

3 Reasons things are GREAT!

1. The script is DONE...for the most part...1000 pounds off my shoulders. Now it's all about the process and it's all out on the page. Back to my happy place...the process. :)

2. First workshop last night was fantastic. My troupes believe in the piece and I couldn't ask for more.

3. Rikkie is tearing up the road. Schools are LOVING them! Here are a few pics from the road! How cute are these kids? Love that kiddie tour.

The Minstrel

The Minstrel

This is for Staci and her thesis primarily.

But! I wrote a paper last year about minstrelsy and ever since have thought about how prevalent it still is...

Cool article!

http://mankatofreepress.com/local/x1230898361/Nikki-Swoboda-successful-beyond-her-years

Check it out! :)

Huh.

So I've got to say, I am not an idiot. Today, looking back at my great plan and justifications to do something like the Master Cleanse, that choice looks like an idiot move. I am dance teacher with an ulcer...why would I think that living for 2 weeks on no fuel and throwing citrus and cayenne pepper in my empty acidic belly sounded healthy?

I haven't done the typical yo-yo try everything diet fads. When I lost 85 lbs. 6 years ago, I did it with a food journal, personal journal, dance studio and gym membership. That's it. No how-to books or group sessions or get thin quick plans. I just educated myself, figured out why I was fat all of my life and did the work. It took an entire year.

I know how to do this. And I know how I got into that situation to begin with. And yet, I have gained 20-25 lbs (depending on the week) during grad school. Time went into reading and writing papers that used to belong to working out and my money went further with carbs and fast food than fresh organic food. I'm almost done here and I really want to end MSU the same way I came into it.

Wow, even typing that sentence seems ridiculous. There's no way to be the same as I was 3 years ago. Or what was the point?

Maybe these 20 lbs. are something I'll have to deal with AFTER the thesis is written, job is found, internship gained and new play fine-tuned.

I guess, that'll be okay too. Maybe then I'll be thinking and not abuse my body or lose an entire day to a fad diet.

RIP Master Cleanse

In one day of the Master Cleanse, I was dizzy and foggy the entire day, spent over an hour (divided) in the bathroom, almost passed out in public and threw up nothing but stomach acid mixed with maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and lemon juice--profusely. Furthermore, I wasted an entire day because I couldn't form a single complex thought or keep focus.

There's got to be a better way to detox and have a healthier relationship with food that doesn't involve losing work time.

RIP Master Cleanse.

I guess I'm just not that hard core.

this is the worst idea i have ever had.

Master Cleanse Day One

I have nerves. See that glass of vaguely yellow looking stuff? That's all I get to ingest for 14 days. Inside it: fresh lemon juice, organic pure maple syrup (for calories) and cayenne pepper. It doesn't taste too bad. It's actually a little sweet for my taste. For for next 14 days, I better make friends...

So why am I doing this? It's extreme and mostly stupid and don't I have enough going on in my world right now?

Well, yes.

I am doing it in a true quest for detox. I have always had issues with having a princess body, I have strange allergies and I get headaches when I get too much crap in me. Headaches that are unaffected by pain killers. It has been this way since I was 16 and traipsed all around the country to try and find the culprit. After multiple trips to the hospital for IV drips of pain medication, I went Wu-Wu for the first time and discovered shiatsu massage and with it, a toxic liver. I went through a really deep detox and poof! got healthy again. No more headaches and just better functioning. This process repeated itself in college a few times and even once in Boston when a really bad case of mono coupled with an actual liver infection forced a medical ordered detox.

So, I was incapacitated for about 3 weeks of January with anxiety, depression and headaches that I just asserted to be from the prior two. I had a hard time getting up and being productive. Well, I broke through that wall Jan 29 and have been mighty productive and positive since then. But I still have these headaches. So I got some new glasses--which helped--

but I still have these headaches. And I still have a completely stunted metabolism from not smoking or taking any sort of metabolism boost pill, as I am now au natural completely. And I still have an addictive personality that is missing all of its former habits and is substituting food in its place. As a former heavy drinker, smoker and binge eater, I know what is inside of me that I need to keep a watch on. I feel like I've begun to need the comfort of food, rather than the nutrition of it. I don't like what that means. Because for me, that means weighing 255 lbs again, and in so doing, losing a huge part of my career in dancing, as my knee is beyond sensitive even at this current weight. So I need to work past the desire of food. I know it takes 21 days to create a habit, but 14 days is 2/3 of that, so if I can emerge from the cleanse with a new viewpoint on food, this will absolutely work.

And thus I Master Cleanse!
Wish me luck!

How hardcore am I?

Am I Master Cleanse hardcore? Cuz that is DAMN hardcore!

I begin the Cleanse tomorrow. I have bought my lemons, cayenne pepper, organic sea salt and organic pure maple syrup.

I've talked a bunch of game.

so let's do it.

http://themastercleanse.org/

Good-bye to solid foods for 14 days! Hello to a clean body! ...in theory.

That said, on my last day of solids, I have partook in pizza, bbq wings, a vanilla latte and now I have a glass of wine in my hand. As always in my life choices: GO BIG OR GO HOME!

Wish me luck...and look for awful blog entries on the subject. :)

Nikki: 1, Lilah: 0

Today I wrote three essays and cover letter (and sent out) for a hot shit internship that would be amazing to have (Williamstown Theatre Festival!!!), I taught 3 hours of dance, I revised and edited Act One of Virgin Territory and I wrote/figured out the outline of Act Two. I also had a great latté, giggled with Micah for an hour, met Megan and Sara for an hour and took an hour nap.

This may have been one of the top 10 most productive days of my life.


In other news, Lilah is depressed and misses her grandma's house, where apparently the bird and squirrel watching is much more interesting.

SUCCESS!!

I finished ACT ONE tonight! I wrote 56 pages of script in 2 days.

It's rough, it's un-proofread, it's unedited, it's work of progress, but I did it!

And January is officially over. I beat the blues before January was over--just barely--but I'm counting it a success!

Bless you, February. And with it, usher in creativity and positivity and more productivity---WOOT!