Ah, ephemeral scholarship...

I had a new experience yesterday.  I was researching Chushingura: 47-Samurai, the history of it, kabuki, the origins and practices appropriate for the show...all for this huge project in my Dramaturgy class.  We only have two main projects and since I'm now on the quest for good grades (to undo the whole undergrad thing), I really spent time on this project.  

So here's the new part:  I got so into the research of it that I really didn't know when to quit.  I assumed that as dramaturge that I would be quizzed on everything, the obscure and the obvious.  I put together a huge power point, I wrote an accompanying 16 page packet to hand out to my faux production team.  But maybe for the first time in this race of grad school, I really knew this material.  I wasn't b.s.ing any of it.  And I loved it all and found it fascinating.  I was so excited to present this material because...are you ready?...I really wanted other people to get excited about how incredibly cool the Ako Incident was and all the Japanese representations of it, nevermind the complete visual masterpiece that is Kabuki.  

So, I'm up til 3 am, I dream about it for 3 hours, finally just have to get up to proof it again, go to school and look forward to the presentation.  Our teacher comes in and says that instead of 30 minutes, she'd like for each of us to only go 15 minutes since it's the first round of presentations so we can talk about what worked and didn't with the class.  So I get up to do my thing, and it's too fast and rushed to get all the info out and what I do get to say barely touches the surface of the research that would really affect this fake production we're having.    I finish, get lauded much for the quality of my work from the class, and we have another ridiculous "I feel" class discussion instead of learning more about the two plays presented (King Lear was the other).  During this touchy-feely convo, I learned from the instructor (and peers) that I did about 4X more work than I needed to so maybe all that time could have been better served in my Pre-Production Analysis due Friday.   

In a nutshell, I experienced true joy for the sake of scholarship and knowledge for the first time...and it didn't include musical theatre or dance.  (Progress)  And then it got followed by a huge old letdown that I am having a hard time getting over...  I think because I got so excited about it and then didn't get the chance to get people on my excitement train or explain all the reasons that this play is so incredible.  I don't know... I know I got an A, but... it doesn't seem good enough.