Finding a Creative Habit...

So I read Twyla's The Creative Habit a few years ago, when Gayle was doing her masters on creativity and it inspired me. It continues to do so every time I read it...which is about once a year. I give it out as my closure present constantly. (Closure present=present given at the end of a process you shared with someone, knowing that when this project is over, you won't see them nearly as often or ever be nearly as close. Thus said present gets to say "I appreciate you and how much you made this moment beautiful". I have given this book to all of my dance captains since 2004, for example, and to my dear one, Christine, from MFA when she graduated a year ahead of me.)

Anyway, it's all about finding/creating a routine for your body so that your mind can be open to creative thought. Create a ritual for your day that commits to the work ethic of creativity. I love this idea...and to be honest, it makes sense to me in that place where faith exists. It's more gut than thought, but nobody could talk you out of it as truth. "Without passion, all the skill in the world won't lift you about craft. Without skill, all the passion in the world will leave you eager but floundering." Doesn't that make perfect sense?

I've made my creative space (step 1) and I love it and it works! When I need to write cover letters, essays, research the topic more and find new ideas to incorporate into the already obfuscated play of Virgin Territory. But when I am writing the scenes and trying to find the ending, the anxiety attacks hit...even in my creative space, which is really quite a lovely place to be. I've established my other ritual as well: get up at 8am, grab my sassy water (water with cukes and lemon), light my candles, put on my purple slippers, journal for gratitude and start working by 9am at my desk. And still the anxiety...

I've never been at a loss to make my creative habit work before. What gives?

I think this week with everyone away all week will be good for me. I also return to yoga after a week off...that should help too. Deciding that this is going to get better will probably help the most though...

family...

So in a family...one that labels itself as close-knit...how much say do you really get in each other's choices?

Is there a line in unconditional love?

Found this via google, where I have also confirmed such amazing things as Swoboda meaning "freedom" in Russian, Czech and Polish.

Always knew I was a destined to be a gypsy...

Amazing thoughts I've run across lately...

If I can't dance, I don't want to be a part of your revolution.

A revolution without dancing is not a revolution worth having.

-Emma Goldman

the new manifestation of the buddha will be in the form of a community--Miss Wellin

Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.-- Clementine Paddleford

I've decided to waste my life again, like I used to: get drunk on the light in the leaves. Find a wall against which something can happen. --Phillis Levin

Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts.

Clare Booth Luce

And now, after finding these thoughts of others...I have an idea. Dependent on the success of another idea. Dependent on the initiative of, well, myself. I wonder how much magic fairy dust I have left.

Love, clarity, gratitude for all things....

Oh, blog, how I've neglected you....

But don't take it personally. I've neglected a lot of things for the last two months. Like the gym. And Chapter 3 of my thesis. And most of my friends, most of the time. And the actual writing of my thesis play.

What I haven't neglected?

1. Research on my thesis and thesis play.

2. Rocky Horror and Rikkie Recycle.

3. My parents. My brother. My sister. My nephews.

4. Daily anxiety attacks about getting a job, getting my script done, finding an acceptable internship that Hustoles will actually accept (3 so far have been turned down by him and I have been rejected from 4 that I have applied for), and repeating my undergrad career in taking forever to get everything in order to actually graduate with an actual degree and an actual diploma. Daily full-blown anxiety attacks, I have not neglected you.

5. Bottles of Pinot Noir.

Buy my book! Okay, it's Lex's book too.

http://www.hooferjackal.com/hjorder.html

OR

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_0_8?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=ever+met+the+hooferjackal&x=0&y=0&sprefix=ever+met

OR

http://books.barnesandnoble.com/search/results.aspx?WRD=Ever+Met+the+Hooferjackal%3F&box=Ever%20Met%20the%20Hooferjackal%3F&pos=-1

How cool is that? :)

Pat and Alex got married yesterday!

And it was awesome.

Time stood still yesterday and a bunch of friends I have had for 8+ years all gathered in one room, full of genuine joy and celebration, and we partied. I loved every moment.

Life has changed so much in the last three years. It didn't feel like it last night though.

Feeling pretty full of love and gratitude today....

Cannot even handle it.

My nephews rock my socks. I love them! Look at how fantastic they looked on Halloween! And how much do we love seeing Lex's giraffe costume getting a second life?

Luci even said "it was an extravagant splurge for such a silly holiday. I am so glad to see it used again!" And if I do say so myself, Logan has added a giraffe stank face to this costume that has truly upped his level of credibility. Oh no! I've fallen into theater speak! I must away!

I wanna be there...with the sweaty people...

I MISS MY HOT YOGA.

It's stupid. I'm so busy. I have so much on my plate. Too much to even really think about overly much before breathing becomes difficult.

And all I want is to go stretch and sweat profusely and experience that awesome calm that only shivasana gives you.

Sometimes I hate Mankato.

Got some headshots today...Whaddya think?

Well with the exception of this first shot, which is to commemorate two things--Mom making 60 look like a dream and the 10 years later shot from my first headshot shoot in Dallas--these are the favorites so far. Another two things to note: 1. My advisor Fino did these photos in an hour, outside around Mankato FOR FREE. He was so good and so professional. 2. These are probably the best pictures I have every seen of me--that actually look like me. It was a ton of fun and will be really helpful for my website (coming 1.1.10) and gigs. So leave a comment if you stop by! You can do it anonymously! Which shot do YOU like? Love to all!

It's a curious time...

I love fall. I really do. And I am feeling good. I really am.

I am doing the Phantom's Feast next week, start Rocky rehearsals the next week and have the first draft of Virgin Territory due the week after that.

That's plenty to do, to be sure. I could be freaking out...and I kinda am about the last part of that list...but mainly, I am just feeling perpetually grateful to know how my bills are getting paid and to be guaranteed to do theater for eight more months. I am job-hunting with a vengeance and I know how hard it is out there. So mainly...I'm just happy that right now, I am taken care of.

And it's all so curious to me...hmmmm....

What in the world does the future look like for me?

A hint maybe?